Erin Smalley

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The photo album

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

It is the end of a very long day and week…we have had the stomach bug in our house; I had my day at Fellowship Bible Church with the precious women’s marriage group—including a visit from my father-in-law today; basketball practice; yoga; Greg just arrived home from a trip with Garrison and he had a full day of work and teaching today; our dear friends, Paul and Laurie, remain at Mercy Hospital yet another night.

However, as I sit in the quiet of my home tonight, one thing brings an excitement to my heart that is hard to put into words. It is actually a simple thing from my day today that could have happened on any one of the days since the news that Annie was coming to live with us. It has been about a month since our joyous moment of learning that Annie is officially our daughter. We have continued forward on the paperwork—more financial planning—and even adding a closet upstairs for Maddy’s new bedroom.

However, this simplest of things gave me the greatest joy today. It is something that added to the reality of this entire journey. It’s still unbelievable that we are going to have a toddler running through our house again. The joy, the fear, the anticipation, the full range of emotion that this brings is unending—especially this weekend as Greg was gone and I was uselessly sick. I kept thinking “What would I do right now with a toddler?” We have had wonderful news with financial support for her future surgeries; a sweet surprise shower with our family small group; and many fun moments of anticipation. However, today, something else brought my heart the greatest joy. You see, today, I made a trip to the local post office to mail a photo album of our family to Annie—to let her know that we are her forever family. Although this will take nearly a month to arrive in Beijing and to be held in her precious little hands, today was the day, with great joy, that this all became very real to me. In a month, she will finally get to see that Greg and I are her mommy and daddy; that she has an almost 16-year-old sister that radiates a beauty from inside and out; a second sister who has a heart of compassion like no other; and a brother who is continually asking “Can I really call Annie MY sister now?” Pictures of her new house, her new room and yes, her new swing. The picture of her precious cousin, Zoie, who was brought home from Ethiopia a short two-years ago (we were sure she was our answer to this adoption journey for us…we could just love Zoie…we certainly weren’t going to also adopt. And now they will be cousins with Annie being 6 months older); she will see a picture of her grandparents and her papa who wept when he realized that “he too had deep feelings already for this little girl that he hasn’t yet met”; and her precious cousins who will embrace her wholeheartedly.

I experienced great disappointment as I drove up to the Siloam post office and learned that they closed at 4:30pm; however, like every other small, seemingly insignificant miracle, the Post Office Express was able to mail the photo album out today. I realized today that I had poured hours into selecting the “right” pictures time and time again over the previous weeks—realizing that they were much more than just pictures I was sending—I was actually sending this little girl in China a glimpse into her new life—a life that God has given to her. Not accidentally. Not by coincidence…but by His Divine Plan. I love how He does that and that we simply get to join Him in the journey of life. I just finished up 5 days of my Beth Moore Study, Daniel…yes I did say 5 days which was no small undertaking in one night, however, I love how in Daniel so much is foretold about the end times. I was exposed to many prophecies that have already been fulfilled and more that will come in the future. And it made me realize that He already has a plan for each of our lives—He knew before he created the heavens and the earth that Annie was our daughter—just as He knew that we would have Taylor, Maddy and Garrison. And all we had to do was say “yes” to Him. As I said earlier, it seems unbelievable to me that we will have a toddler running through our house again, but it seemed very believable to Him long ago. What a thrill and a joy it is to humbly get to join Him in this journey of bringing our China doll home. To think that He knew she would be ours, long before we did. He knows and understands “why” she is right for us and “why” we are right for her. This journey has seemed hard to explain to some; hard to grasp for others—including us at times; however, completely planned and known by Him.

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Today was “The Day”

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Standing in the hallway of Fellowship Bible Church…was the last place I thought I’d be when I received “the phone call” we have waited to receive for over 11 months!  Every time I saw our agencies number pop up on my phone….my stomach would drop.  Especially, today!  I have stayed away from the internet groups over the past 11 months simply because I knew if I started sitting on the computer trying to predict when the shared list was coming out…with Annie’s name on it…I’d be sitting way too much.  However, after a “heads up” from our agency, I did go to “Rumor Queen—China” to see that the shared list this month was coming out Monday night in the U.S. or Tuesday morning in China.  January 19th, 2009 was the day that I finally heard the sweet words I have longed to hear from Beth (our coordinator)

“Hi Erin…this is Beth…we got Annie last night.  She is now yours!”

As I listened to these unbelievable words, the sobs started coming!  I knew in my heart that Annie was ours, however, I knew that for a variety of reasons, God may have had another purpose in all we have been through in the past year.  Everything seemed to lead us to this moment, however, I often have thought “God’s ways are not always our ways.”  But for this situation, the 11 months of expecting a call and not getting it were all worth it!

The joy our hearts feel is hard to explain.  It is very much like the first time we saw each of our three children on an ultrasound for the first time.  Greg’s mom said she felt just like she did when we called and told her Taylor had been delivered.  It is amazing what God does to people’s hearts in the process of adoption.

Our family later went out to lunch together, the kids stayed home from school and we celebrated that we would be officially adding to our family.  Taylor sobbed with the news because she has prayed that we would adopt a child since she was 8 years old.  Maddy was thrilled and Garrison kept asking for repeated clarification “We are getting Annie, right??” … which follows in line with his desire to “get things right!”

Thank you for your text messages, phone calls, Facebook messages, visits and gifts!  We feels so loved and feel like our daughter is already being celebrated.  I can now say that Annie is at the most amazing foster home in China—New Day.  If you would like to visit their website it is www.newdaycreations.com

We have been told that we can officially bring Annie home in 4 to 6 months.  We would love to bring her home in May or June so we can have the entire Summer with her.  However, as we have learned through this process….God is completely in control and He knows the best time for all of us!  We are humbled and honored to be Annie’s Forever Family.  We can’t believe that God chose us…as we have learned that there were at least 3 other families trying to get Annie’s paperwork.  I cannot imagine the heart break these families may be experiencing…as it could have easily been our heartbreak too.

Annie Smalley—you are loved by many!  We have prayed for you by name before you were even conceived!  May you feel this love over the continents!  The meaning of your name “unestimatable”—couldn’t fit you more!  I cannot imagine what God will do with your life—there is no estimate and also what you will add to the Smalley Family!  We love you, we feel blessed to call you our own and can’t wait to bring you home!  Love, Your Mom

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Year in Review

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Here is an excerpt from the Smalley Christmas letter describing the story of Annie ….

Well, you might be thinking that this doesn’t sound like an eventful year; however, this is where our quiet Arkansas life changes!  Many of you know that we have felt called to adopt over the years, especially since I was adopted.  Approximately 5 years ago, when we were speaking at a family camp in Wisconsin, we felt a deep burden to adopt from China. We decided that we wanted a little girl and we would name her “Antoinette Rose” after my precious mom “Rosalie Antoinette”.  We have prayed for our “Annie” regularly over the years; however, since nothing materialized we just assumed that God had other plans for our family.  At the end of February, our dear friend shared about his visit to an orphanage in China. He told about a precious little girl he had interacted with who had a “special” left hand.  We even prayed for her over the next several nights. But never in our wildest dreams would we have guessed what would occur over the next week.  Through an email that our friend had sent to China to introduce us to the American orphanage directors, we learned that this beautiful little girl’s name was Annie….the name we had been praying about for the past 5 years!

We have since had the honor of learning a whole lot about Annie and we deeply desire for her to become our daughter.  Annie is 2 years old and is in an amazing orphanage in China.  She has a few special needs; however, she has already had several surgeries to correct a cleft lip and palate and a club foot.  She will need surgery on her left hand.  We are overjoyed at the thought of adding to our family—the fourth child we always wanted.  We have been “indoctrinated” rapidly into the adoption process…which lives up to everything I have heard about it…difficult. We have been trying to save the needed funds rapidly…and we are currently preparing bedrooms, and toddler toys! We would covet your prayers and support as we continue on this unbelievable adventure.   We will keep you updated on our journey back to China to bring our daughter home!  We are hoping this will happen by late spring, early summer.

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Waiting Well

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

This has been my prayer over the past several months….to “wait well.” Everyone is waiting for something…Christmas; a loved one’s return; healing from an illness; a check in the mail; reconciliation in a relationship; to go on a trip. Although I am waiting on several things, the main thing I am waiting on is a referral call from China. If you’re reading this blog entry, more than likely you have read the Smalley Christmas letter and you know our story. We are waiting to know that “Annie” will officially be part of our family. In every sense she has already become a part of our family…yet she is not here with us physically. In our hearts, we love her very much; we have begun to dream of her future with us; we can see her playing in the backyard. In matter of fact, we purchased this swing for her and we deemed it the “faith, hope, and love swing.” Faith that she will be ours; hope that she will come soon and in the life we hope to offer her; and love…the love we feel for her already that will only continue to grow. In so many ways, this is the identical to faith, hope and love in the Lord. We have faith to believe in Him, hope for our lives and future because of Him and we are able to love as a result of His love.

I know that I try to “wait well.” But often, I fail. I try to take things into my own hands by making phone calls and sending emails. Sometime these are ordained actions, however, more often they are my own actions. How about you? Do you try to take things into your own hands? Join the club if you are struggling. In our culture, we are so used to getting everything right here and now. However, we have waiting a short 10 months for this call and it feels as if it’s been a lifetime. When I see the precious pink “faith, hope, and love” swing hanging on the swing set in the back yard—it reminds me to “wait well.” Although, right now it is covered in snow—it is has already been through several seasons—burning hot in the heat of July and August; September, October, and November brought beautiful leaves and colder temperatures and December has brought the fluffy white snow. Each waiting experience has seasons to it. As I look at the snow today it makes me think that next winter Annie could be sitting in the swing—laughing, giggling and enjoying life. The swing helps me to remember to not take things into my own be my focus. As we fumble our way through this season of anticipation and waiting—I know that I can only“wait well” with Him. He has to be my focus, my comfort, my strength.

back yard swing

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Welcome

Sunday, March 30th, 2008

Welcome to the Grown-Up Girlfriends’ Corner. We will have so much fun being able to discuss all types of issues and topics that we deal with as women, mothers, and as girlfriends. I so look forward to sharing with you and even more so, hearing from you with your thoughts, concerns, and experiences. I am certain that most, if not all of you, have experienced the wonderful blessings of female friendships. However, as Carrie Oliver and I talked about in our book, Grown-Up Girlfriends, there are also those difficult times in relationships. Any relationship has its ups and downs…especially our female friendships. However, as women rooted in Jesus Christ, we want to encourage each other to “grow up” in Him through each of these challenges. He uses them to beautify us and cause us to look more like Him.

So, let’s start with this simple question “What are you currently going through that is causing you to grow in your faith?” Is it a relationship issue, a health issue, a parenting issue, or an everyday living issue? For me, the past year has been filled with many losses and I have been learning to walk the road of grief. Embracing grief has provided many wonderful opportunities for me to be on my knees before the Holy One and to also embrace my female friendships. As women, we do such an amazing job of encouraging one another and validating each other’s pain. My friends have done just that over the past year. I just had my 40th birthday celebration and it was a wonderful time to reflect on these relationship blessings. I am so grateful for my female friendships…aren’t you?

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